Or for a thousand reasons

had been having sleepless nights for two in a row. man, im suspecting whether im getting more and more emotional or is it natural? my whole head was just churning out stuff, and it keeps on churning & churning & churning. not all are bad stuffs though, some are good and the rest are non-existent. the fact is once i put my head onto the blue cotton-cover pillow, everything starts. vicious cycle, yes. i hate menses cus it makes me this emotional i guess, while other girls get cranky i simply get emotional and paranoid.

look at last night. i was lying there, didnt know whatta do and my eyes were big. you read me right, BIG and emotions poured into my room and flooded me. i was missing somebody i realised, and yea was very confused la. im supposed to be a happy little girl yet im torturing myself. bloody =] i forced that smiley out. had a little thought..

girl, everything that has happened this year are already over. you shouldn't brood over it since you've adopted the policy of forgiving, forgetting and forsaking & you just gotta get over it.

everything is over baby, everything's different now.

my frens should know what i'm talking about like, referring to a particular matter. im seriously bothered and i know the problem lies within myself. i've said to someone(you know who you are), my mental strength is draining and i cant get a hold onto myself. that's when i decided why should i care about such stuff. sorry i had to be ambiguous&vague cus of some inconvenience but.. urhg i dont know. must have been that journey back home when i was so lonely that triggered off these thoughts. thoughts yea thoughts. struck by paranoia and stuff..

okay back to when i was lying on my bed.i had the urge to see somebody. i remembered that night it almost rained(weather-wise or emotion-wise). that was the second time i felt that, overwhelmed and overloaded with loneliness, isolation, inferiority and there was no one i could turn to. the only one left was considered as unacceptable as this matter concerned this person so people tell me whatta do, especially you.

so it's been clear,that this entry is all about you. im poopoo with words. sorry readers, i change the whole ambience i guess? huh ambience?